


SophieSayz

by TheLadySyk0



Series: The New Alternia [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aliens, Anime, Arson, Funny, Gen, Humor, Interplanetary Diplomacy, OC YouTuber, Pranks, Recap, Shananigans, Subjuggulators, cosplaying, dennys, series recap, the Denny's parking lot incident, the new alternia series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 18:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySyk0/pseuds/TheLadySyk0
Summary: A young youtuber named Sophie comments on the current happenings in a world post Alternian contact with Earth.Follow the escapades of one insane teenage girl through the years as she gets arrested, gets banned from troll youtube, annoys her best friend and neighbor Deshawn, and introduces trolls to anime.Meant as a series recap for "The New Alternia Series" as I know that me writing non-sequentially can get confusing.





	SophieSayz

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I know writing non-sequentially can get a bit confusing so hopefully this is a funny way to get everyone on the same page. Sophie experiences a lot of the same important events of the series but in complete sequential order.
> 
> Enjoy!

A teenager sat alone in the dark of night, their laptop the only light in their room, sending planes of harsh white light across their face. They scrolled through the website in front of them, a pink banner with a cute human girl smiling back at them, long black hair, coffee and cream skin and the sort of smile that suggested that there was shenanigans afoot.

Scrolling for a while and clicking “Play” on one of the earlier videos showed a smug looking teenage girl swaying back and forth slightly in a desk chair. She looked to be around sixteen or so wearing that covered her hands like kitten paws. She smiled like a cat that got the cream, wiggling her eyebrows at the camera. Fairy lights shone on the pale pink wall behind her along with several pieces of what looked like fan art of herself.

“Hey everybody!” She waved at the camera, still grinning like a loon “So here on this channel, SophiSayz-” She leaned in “I’m Sophie bee-tee-dubs in case you dumbasses forgot, not only do we do expert game play that covers only the most nuanced and skilled gameplay-”

There was a quick cutscene of Sophie playing the Sims 4. Sophie was screaming as two sims walked into a bush. “OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU GOING INTO THE BUSH?” The bush on screen began to gyrate and jiggle, little cartoon hearts floating out. “AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKING IN THERE? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE YOU IRRESPONSIBLE THOTS!” the shot panned out and the house was indeed, on fire. Sophie screamed higher.

“So anyways.” Sophie rocked from side-to-side in her desk chair. “I’m taking a break from my incredibly important and nuanced gameplay-”

Sophie continued to scream as her sims fucked in a bush.

“In order to do a favorite segment I like to call-” Sophie drummed on her desk “-Sophie says! Where I-” She put a hand to her chest “the Sophie in question, talk about what I’ve seen in the news!”

Sophie shrugged her shoulders, grinning like a maniac “Oh and what’s happened in the news? Nothing much except for ALIENS ARE REAL!” She slammed a fist into her desk, getting uncomfortably close to the camera “ALIENS ARE FUCKING REAL I FUCKING CALLED IT!”

Sophie stood up to rip off her sweatshirt, a t-shirt underneath printed with a UFO and the words “I believe in you bitch.”

“THAT’S RIGHT!” Sophie did a couple of finger guns at the camera “PREPARE YOUR ANUSES WE ABOUT TO GET PROBED BITCHES!”

She sat down at her desk, biting her bottom lip, her hands clasped together in the prayer position. “Humor is a coping mechanism I’m actually extremely concerned. I’d say we have a little less of about a fifty-fifty chance of the alien apocalypse starting in like, three days. That’s a lot to take in. I’m only sixteen. I might not ever get to vote which fucking sucks because my congressman here in Florida is Congressman Whiteman who is an unpleasant crusty old asshole.” She put her hands together “At least he’ll be dead too lmao.“ She frowned “or not, he might be slimy enough to escape, the creepy cockroach.”

Sophie shrugged, her lips pulling into a hard line. “So according to the officials the aliens are coming in THREE days to idk, either like, kill us all or usher in a new age of galactic peace and welcome us to some kind of space council or something?” Sophie shrugged “I don’t fucking know man, it depends on which movie we’re living in. Is this Star Trek or Independence day? War of the worlds or E.T? Are we gonna make out with Spock, or is Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum gonna sneak into their ship and save Earth by giving them a 1990’s computer virus? Lasers or glowing friendship fingers?” She grimaced and put up her hands “Either way there’s a countdown clock on my channel. I call it the “SophieSayz alien apocalypse or not countdown clock.” She winked and pointed a couple of finger guns at the camera “Like and subscribe while we’re still definitely not dead!”

\--

The next video was dated three days later. Clicking play one could see Sophie sitting at her desk. There was boxes of military rations besides her bed along with some large jugs of water. Sophie looked slightly dazed as she rocked from side-to-side in her desk chair.

“So…” She started conversationally “Obvi we aren’t all dead. Which is good, I guess.” She threw a thumbs up at the camera “Nice not being dead there everyone. Good job all around for the apocalypse not starting” She motioned to the military rations beside her bed “So shit was fucking crazy, national guard was like getting people ready in case the aliens decided to fuck up our shit. Dad built a bomb shelter in the basement, which was cool with him but the fuck are we gonna do with it now? There was a lot of last minute reunifications with family members before we all died, school was canceled. The last part was neat.” Her nose scrunched up for a moment “Oh fuck do I still have an essay due? I better get an extension for near apocalypse related reasons.”

“Anyways.” Sophie clapped her hands together “Aliens came to Earth and visited the white house.” She closed her eyes to whisper-

“ And they were totally fucking  _ hot _ .”

A picture of Feferi Peixes walking down the ramp of her ship showed on screen. Feferi was wearing a long pink silk dress, strings of pearls dripping down her body. The wind was whipping around the flowing silk of her dress, showing off the curve of her hips.

Sophie looked at the camera “Ok but for reals, the Alien empress came to conquer but not with guns, no she came to Earth serving LOOKS and I’m fucking dying for it!”

Sophie kept clicking through pictures of Feferi, the alien Empress smiling at the camera, looking out into the distance, a closeup of her face taken with a long distance lens, the delicate touch of pink to her gills and lips.

Sophie had her hands pressed to her mouth, muffled screams coming from the girl. “She’s so fucking hot oh my god. Fucking alien Ariana Grande are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell gave this alien the right to be this fucking cute? Beam me right the fuck up Scottie, right between them TITTIES!” Sophie screamed into her microphone 

Sophie was spinning slightly in her desk chair, looking up at her ceiling with something like disbelief and awe “I was so ready to die, I was not expecting my next fucking waifu to come out of this ship, what the hell is my life? What is happening anymore?”

Sophie kept clicking and eventually found a photo of Feferi next to Congresswoman Brynn Stephens. Feferi was towering over the congresswoman, touching her hand to the human’s dyed pink hair with obvious delight. “Awww!” Sophie put her hand to her heart “I ship it!”

Sophie froze suddenly, panic on her face “Wait are we under alien rule and I’m too busy being gay to realize we’ve just been conquered?”

Sophie took a moment to bring up her iphone. “Hey Siri?”

The phone chimed “Yes Sophie?”

Sophie frowned “are we, like, conquered by aliens or something?”

The phone chimed “Here is an article that most matches ‘are we, like, conquered by aliens or something’ I hope this is helpful!”

Sophie read for a moment, her brows drawn. “....ok...So it says here that the aliens want help with…” She squinted at the screen. “... their young?”

“Oh Empress Feferi-” Sophie smiled dreamily, looking back at the camera with a leer “I would totally have your babies.” She put her thumb to her ear and her pinkie to her mouth to mime a phone to her ear, winking. “Hit me up Space Ariana Grande. Otherwise this has been SophieSayz, like and subscribe! I’ll be posting a poll later about just how hot the alien empress is, very hot, or very VERY hot! Bye!!!”

\--

A couple of videos later, all of which featured Feferi in some form or another on the thumbnail, laughing with an edited flower crown, Feferi and Congresswoman Brynn Stephens, a zoom-in on Feferi’s ass through the thin fabric of her dress, titled ‘DAYUM GIRL’ finally there was a video entitled “ALIEN INTERNET?”

Clicking play one could see Sophie grinning back at the camera. Her hair was tied into two pigtails, the wall on the other side of the camera was now choked with pictures of Empress Feferi. 

“Hey everyone! It’s Sophie! It’s been a Cah-razy couple of weeks. My waifu has been busy meeting with world leaders and just generally being awesome. Fef-gal has been advocating for open communication between our two planets and check this fuckin’ out!”

Sophie pulled up an odd-looking webpage on her computer, Alternian symbols scrolling at the top of the webpage, the logo of the site was in the Alternian language, a pair of yellow and red horns on either side of the illustrated logo.

“This!” Sophie grinned wildly “This is the troll version of youtube!” She wiggled her eyebrows at the camera. A separate browser function at the side of the page displayed rough translations. “The translation is calling it ‘troll-tube’ which is extremely funny.” 

“So in case you haven't heard…” Sophie grinned at the camera “With Earth’s new contact with the Troll empire-” Sophie sighed “I can’t believe they’re actually called trolls what the fuck.” She shook her head “Anyways, with the new contact between the species we now have access to their internet and they have access to ours!”

Sophie shrugged, scrolling through the alien site. “So far I’m finding the usual youtube shit, tutorial videos, some things I’m ...pretty sure.. are memes, and lot of clowns doing drugs. Didn’t know that half the population of Alternia was like if Pennywise the clown and Satan fucked and then did a lot of weed but yanno-” Sophie shrugged “To each their own I guess. I found a troll clown girl who has a really cute scrapbooking channel. I like her papercraft. Who knew you could even do that with blood? Honestly? Aesthetic.” Sophie tapped her mouse decisively “~Subscribed!~” She sing-songed.

“Anywho!” Sophie giggled “The thing I’m most interested in is that the site has an automatic filter! According to the site FAQ it will flag anything that is either criticizing the current empress-”

Sophie looked at the camera. “Impossible. She’s perfect. I STAN.”

“-Or is explicit in nature.” Sophie waggled her eyebrows at the camera. She grinned “So since we as a species have yet to reach that final frontier, where no human has gone before-” The camera zoomed in on Sophie’s manic eyes “-In a troll’s pants.” The camera zoomed out and she shrugged “So I’m gonna make a fuck ton of fake accounts and upload random video clips to try and reverse engineer what troll porn is like.” She cracked her knuckles, her hands hovered above her keyboard “Alright fuck-os here we go.”

Over a livestream of around six hours in length, accruing at least ten or so banned accounts, Sophie sat in front of her computer screen, bedraggled and confused. “...ok…” She bit her lip, her eyes narrowing and then widening as she tried to put her thoughts into order “So here is the list of videos that got me banned from TrollTube.

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp33NMQwEk8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp33NMQwEk8)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYK2i2tR7gU ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYK2i2tR7gU)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5N9bumg-Z8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5N9bumg-Z8)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuuJjILyrNs ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuuJjILyrNs)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhCVqJ1I3bY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhCVqJ1I3bY)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vl91wHCug1Y ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vl91wHCug1Y)

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8DXf_q39kM ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8DXf_q39kM)

Sophie rubbed a hand down her face and screamed. “Ok so the best I got is...Octopuses, especially people holding octopuses, making bucket sandcastles at the beach... The Ice bucket challenge… Pouring paint out of a bucket?” She smacked her head into her desk. “Why is literally anything with a bucket flagged? SEA CREATURES? I have no fucking idea ok? I just don’t.”

Something pinged on Sophie’s screen. She looked up and her eyes widened, standing up so quickly that she knocked over her desk chair. “Oh my god! Oh my GOD.” She zoomed in on the icon that joined the livestream chat, the alien characters that made up an alien name, a green-blooded troll smiling from the profile picture.

Sophie grinned “Looks like my channel just went interplanetary!”

\--

The next couple of livestreams were entitled along the lines of “Human answers questions for trolls” and “real-live human to answer questions!”

“I don’t know.” Sophie was rubbing her forehead by the end of the first livestream, trolls dominating the livestream chat with obscure alien memes and badly translated question “I don’t know dudes I’m not like...the only fucking person on the planet. I don’t know… watch a documentary on Earth, maybe even just watch a Netflix show or even fucking god forbid an anime.” Sophie thought for a moment. “Ok this is probably stupid but you can only get Netflix if you have a credit card right?” She chewed her bottom lip “So none of y’all can get Netflix right now because you don’t have credit cards…” She leaned in close to the mic. “Ok this is probably supremely stupid but I’m going to give y’all my Netflix account and crunchyroll prime accounts.” She shrugged “Also here is a couple of websites with some pirated shit for Disney movies and Cartoons. Try like...Cornel 1801.com or toonget.net.”

\--

The next video Sophie had her arms crossed, staring at the camera, her brows furrowed and her mouth pinched. “Ok so Netflix suspended my account! Something about 3 million people logging in at once? Way to be total narcs you guys. Way. to. be. fucking. narcs.” She shrugged “Oh well it was stupid.” She perked up “Less stupid idea though- how many of my human followers would be willing to let trolls watch on their accounts?” She pointed at the camera seriously “AS LONG AS YOU MAKE A SEPARATE PROFILE! WHOEVER IT WAS THAT WATCHED THE ENTIRE BRITISH BAKING SHOW ON MY ACCOUNT FUCK YOU! IT KEEPS RECOMMENDING COOKING SHOWS NOW! I HATE COOKING SHOWS!”

She leaned back in her chair and threw up her hands “Also who watched twelve hours of sailor moon on my crunchyroll account last night? Sailor moon sucks! I only watch RESPECTABLE anime.” She squinted dramatically into the distance. “Like Attack on Titan, fuck that sailor moon kiddie shit.” 

\--

Sophie shrugged in the next video. “Ok I apologize, I watched The Great British Baking Show and I love it.” She pointed at the camera. “To the guy tho that keeps commenting that he’s going to ‘punish me by the moon!’ and that I’m ‘a soft-panned wiggler with no taste for true classic anime’, first of all? I introduced you to anime two weeks ago so get fucking bent, second of all?-” Sophie leaned into the mic “The original Sailor moon is fucking trash.” She leaned back and shrugged “I actually thought the remake was a lot better.”

\--

“So in this edition of SophieSayz!” Sophie pulled up a webpage. The headline read ‘grub distribution official arrives in Florida, Grub distribution trial to begin. There was a photo of Jukilo in an Alternian uniform walking out of a ship, their hair long and in a braid behind their back. “Oh hey.” Sophie took a long sip of her drink. The camera zoomed in on the seat of Jukilo’s pants. “He has a cute butt.” She clicked ‘save image’ and then ‘print’ her printer whirring to life next to her computer. She took the picture off the printing bed and nodded approvingly. “He’s going right with my Empress Feferi pictures.” Sophie added him to the corkboard behind her that was completely choked with pictures of Empress Feferi.

\--

The next video started with shaky footage of Sophie’s feet as she ran across concrete, the occasional bumper of a car cutting into the frame as she ran, obviously phone in hand. “Holy shit holy shit holy shit” Sophie could be heard breathlessly whispering as the camera followed her sneakered feet. “HOLY SHIT!”

She ducked behind a car, turning the camera to see her face. “Oh my god guys you’re not going to believe this!” Sophie peeked the camera slowly above the hood of the car she was hiding behind. A white Crocodile was lumbering through the grocery store parking lot, their large paws on the bars of a shopping cart. A tiny little girl was in the seat of the cart, a woman with a brown ponytail and glasses walking besides them. The camera turned back to Sophie’s face. “Is this real life? What the fuck?”

\--

Sophie was once again in her bedroom. Three more pictures of Jukilo had been added to the corkboard behind her. The troll now sporting a much shorter cut, flowers hastily photoshopped around his head to make a flower crown. “Ok so thank you to all of my troll followers who told me that the giant white crocodile in my grocery store was actually a crocodile lusus.” She pointed at the camera, her brows drawn “what I DON’T appreciate is all my human followers commenting saying that what I saw was their fursona.” She squinted angrily at the camera. “He’s a real fucking guy with a kid. He’s nobody’s fursona you pack of wild degenerates.” She shrugged taking a sip of her drink. “What if he had a people-sona though? That would be hilarious.”

\--

“Stop sending me drawing of Crocodile dad’s people-sona!” Sophie glared at the screen. “Half of you just keep sending me pictures of random white guys!” She picked up a picture off of her printer bed. “At least twenty of you have sent me a picture of Joe Biden and let me tell you-” She raised the picture to the camera “That is INACCURATE AS FUCK!” The camera focused on a picture of steve Irwin “HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT CROCODILE DAD’S PEOPLE-SONA IS THE CROCODILE HUNTER! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!”

\--

Sophie was live streaming outside of a local McDonalds, her sunglasses on and sipping on a McFlurry. A boy around her age was with her, sipping on an identical flurry, his dreadlocks pulled into a low ponytail. The window of the drive-through was completely smashed. A couple of cop-cars were parked outside, slowly unfurling yellow tape.

Sophie pursed her lips and posed for the camera in an exaggerated way, cocking her hip and throwing her hair back “Hey I’m here with my friend Deshawn outside the McDonalds. Deshawn can you tell me what happened here?”

Deshawn took a sip of McFlurry, bringing his glasses low to stare into the camera. “Some troll woman smashed up the McDonalds. ”

Sophie wiggled her eyebrows “And what does that mean Deshawn?”

He sighed “Please don’t be corny about this. Memes die babe.”

“Oh come on!” She jostled his shoulder. “ICE CREAM MACHINE BROKE!”

The was a long pause before he sighed and answered back “Understandable, have a nice day.”

Sophie dabbed and Deshawn sighed long sufferingly.

\--

“Hey to the weirdo who keeps sending me weird sailor moon quotes and threatening vengeance-” She leaned in to growl into the mic. “I’m changing my crunchyroll password you irredeemable fuck. Have fun with the virus-filled pirated sites!” She struck a pose “Outie asshole!”

\--

Sophie’s face in the next video was red and puffy-eyed. She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie. “Ok this time Congressman Whiteman has gone too far!” She sniffed through her tears “How could he do this? Taking a child away from their parent?” She raised her hands up “If this woman REALLY wanted her kid then why was she at an orphanage? Congressman Whiteman just is pulling more anti-alien bullshit and it needs to STOP!” She shuddered out a heavy breath and wiped her cheeks again. “If any of y’all are in Florida I’m going to be protesting outside of the courthouse. 

\--

The next couple videos were entitled “Fuck you Congressman Whiteman you dusty geriatric anal hemmroid” and “This song is dedicated to Crocodile dad, keep up the GOOD FIGHT!!!”. The thumbnail to the second video was Sophie wearing a crocodile costume while appearing to twerk.

\--

The next video was of Sophie and Deshawn, both dressed in white on the steps of the courthouse. Sophie turning her phone to scan over the hundreds of people that had shown up to wear white and support crocodile dad. A mother and daughter walked by holding signs and chanting, the girl leading a goat wearing a tiny white crocodile suit by a tether. A woman was passing out tiny crocodile shaped cookies.

“IT’S CALLED DEMOCRACY BITCH!” Sophie screamed into the camera. She tipped her head back and screamed “FUCK YOU CONGRESSMAN WHITEMAN YOU CRUSTY OLD ANUS!” before throwing a bottle onto the court steps below her feet.

A police officer that had been monitoring the protest put their hands on their hips “HEY!”

“OH SHIT!” The camera whipped around wildly as Sophie began to run, the guard chasing after her. She reoriented the camera pointed at her face as she ran. Deshawn watching with a disapproving expression over her shoulder and a middle-aged security guard chasing Sophie. “ANYWAYS!” Sophie huffed conversationally as she ran from the police. “Be sure to like and subscribe!”

\--

“Anyways!” Sophie held up her hands and leaned back in her chair on the next video. She wagged her eyebrows up and down. “Guess who just got arrested?~” She sing-songed.

Deshawn was next to her, giving her a sideways disapproving glance, his arms crossed. “Being arrested isn’t anything to brag about you horrible degenerate.”

“I got arrested for Justice Deshawn.” She put her hands on either side of his face and squished, making his lips pucker out like a fish. “JUSTICE!!!!”

Deshawn rolled his eyes and sighed.

\--

“Ok so HUGE NEWS!” Sophie was nearly vibrating in her seat, her hair messy and her eyes wide. “So like the Crocodile lusus thing got even MORE dramatic if you would believe it! So like the first trail was all about-” She put her hands out as if they were claws, baring her teeth as she imitated Crocodile dad “I’M TOTALLY A PERSON. Y’ALL ARE A BUNCH OF BUTTS FOR TRYING TO PRETEND I’M NOT A PERSON!”

“And it worked!” Sophie clapped “He’s a person! Which like- we been knew, but still!” She shimmied her shoulders a bit “Legally important victory! Yay!”

She put a finger up “second was all about letting him keep his daughter which-” she threw up a hand in frustration “I think is fucking stupid to even question. Florida can’t just like-” She snorted and threw both hands up “Give you a kid and go- whoopsie doodle! We’re taking her back lol jk.” She rolled her eyes.

“Anywho!” She perked up again “That aside shit got REAL. Crocodile dad won but a crazy lady went and like GRAHHH-” She grabbed a cup of pencils off her desk and lifted it in the air, pencils spilling everywhere “I’M KIDNAPPING YOU AND A BUNCH OF OTHER KIDS BECAUSE I’M A CRAZY DOUUUUCHE!!!”

“Anyways-” Sophie threw the cup haphazardly behind her “Crocodile dad, and for some reason the troll woman who smashed the McDonalds?- anyways the both of them were total badasses who chased down the van OJ Simpson style and rescued all the kids!” She squeaked, wiggling in place and clapping her hands. “I’m totally adding that troll woman to the Bae-board.”

With the air of ceremonial honor and the sound of a military drum overlaid on the video feed, sophie printed out a picture of Laquda and added it to her overflowing cork board where it joined dozens of pictures of Empress Feferi and one picture of Jukilo.

\--

The next video was entitled “The Sailor Moon weeaboo dickhead who tried to hack into my crunchyroll account”,  “FUCK OFF SAILOR MOON ASSHOLE! HOW MANY MORE OF YOUR ACCOUNTS DO I HAVE TO BAN?” and “TOP HUNDRED ANIMES BETTER THAN SAILOR MOON SO EAT SHIT SAILOR MOON WEEABOO”

Scrolling through the comments, each video was accompanied by lengthy badly translated rants from an account with a sailor moon icon.

\--

“AHHHH!” Sophie screamed into the camera on her next video. She bounced up and down in her desk chair, pulling at her long black hair. “OK HOLY SHIT!” Sophie spun in her desk chair, kicking out her legs excitedly.

“Scarlet Hasselti. THE Scarlet Hasselti! The woman who played the lead role in Vanessa Helsing, vampire slaying chronicles revenge of the crimson lord, Ebony Bloodstab in the witches of Darkness: spell of the blood moon, Countess Carlita in Hellfire House 1 AND 2, and Amanda Snapinhoff in the Mi6 London secret agents mini-series-” Sophie gathered a pile of  DVDs off her desk, hugging the messy pile to her chest Scarlet looked out from the DVD cases with a smoldering looks, wearing ball gowns or tight leather catsuits, wielding weapons and looking smugly out from the cover art. 

“Model, action movie star, author and complete BAE-” Sophie threw the DVDs to the floor and squealed in excitement “Is adopting a grub!”

“Oh my god!” Sophie leaned back in her chair dramatically. “She’s totally pulling an Angelia Jolie and I am LIVING for it!” She sighed wistfully “Wish she was my mom-” She did a couple of ninja chops in the air “She could teach me kung-fu and we could go on cool rich people vacations!”

“Anyways!” Sophie grinned and did a peace-sign to the camera “Adopt me too Scarlet! I love your movies!!”

\--

The next couple of videos all detailed Scarlet’s public life with her daughter, little cartoon hearts accompanying grainy pictures of Scarlet and her troll daughter. “CUTE NEW DRESS FOR VIOLET!” one video titled screamed. Another one proclaimed “VIOLET TO APPEAR IN NEW SCARLET HASSELTI MOVIE????”

Eventually though the videos about Scarlet and her daughter seemed to peter off and be replaced with new content as Sophie grew bored. Most of the new videos detailed Sophie’s applications to college, which college she was going to, playing pranks on Deshawn and random lets plays and other shenanigans. She livestreamed her graduation and the party thereafter, jumping onto Deshawn’s back as the both of them screamed with joy, him piggybacking her across the Florida State university courtyard. Her first days at college as a freshman and the shenanigans that came with that. 

At one point she broke into Deshawn’s dorm room and covered everything he owned in tin foil as a prank. Deshawn retaliated by using the woodshop materials to build a fake wall over Sophie’s dorm door as if it never existed. The prank war was steadily rising, both young adults making more complex and ridiculous pranks until-

\--

The frivolous videos were suddenly cut short though and a single video entitled “I’m so sorry for the family. Support Scarlet” stood out from the rest as the thumbnail showed Sophie staring forlornly out from the picture.

“Um hey everyone.” Sophie sniffed and wiped the tears rolling down her cheek with the sleeve of her hoodie. “If you’ve seen the news then you uh...you know what happened and-”

Sophie’s mouth was pinched with the effort it took not to cry. “I can’t...I just can’t imagine what the Hasselti family is going through right now and uh…” a raspy sob escaped Sophie’s throat. “I don’t know how much it’s worth from some random girl on youtube but...my thoughts are with them today. I put a link to Scarlet’s charity in the description.” She sniffed and wiped her face “Fuck I don’t know if it will do anything now but…” Sophie shook her head. “It’s better to at least try and do something you know?

\--

There was a large gap between videos. It seemed that Sophie left social media entirely for a couple of months.

\--

In the next video Sophie was sitting in her desk chair glaring at the camera “Ok the weirdo that watched twelve hours of Sailor moon at once has only gotten weirder since then.” She threw up her hands “Stop messaging me and saying you’ll punish me by the name of the moon!” she glared at the camera. “You really need to stop watching anime and go outside and develop an ACTUAL personality my GOD.”

Sophie clicked open one of the troll’s messages. “Listen to this, it’s like the modern troll version of the Navy seal rant.” She put up her hand to flap it back and forth as she read, wearing an exaggerated frown and reading his comment in a silly exaggerated voice “What the fuck did you say about Sailor Moon, you little human bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in subjuggulator laughsassins training-” Sophie gave the camera a deadpan look “Fucking really? Laughsassins?” She shook her head and continued to read “I have been involved in numerous secret raids on rebel strongholds, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Chucklevoodoo warfare and I’m the top bludgeoner in the Alternian subjuggulation forces. You’re nothing to me but another Sailor moon hater. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen on your planet. Mark my fucking words. You think you can just say that Sailor Moon is trash to me over the internet and get away with it? As we speak I am contacting my extensive network of former subjuggulators and-”

Sophie rolled her eyes “You get the gist of it.” She turned to the camera “Well Fuck-o you don’t have to contact your-” She put the next words into sarcastic finger quotes “Secret subjugglator contacts” She rolled her eyes again “Because I’ll TELL you what-” She smiled sarcastically at the camera “I’m going to be at Ani-Miami convention wearing cosplay of a GOOD anime!”

In the next shot Sophie was in front of her camera modeling a home-made but spot-on Attack on Titan cosplay. Sophie looked challengingly at the camera, her arms crossed “One month from today. Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot across from the convention center at three am for BATTLE!” She flipped a pair of sunglasses down and dabbed. “OUTIE NERD!”

\--

In the next video Deshawn and Sophie were sitting side-by-side in front of the camera in Sophie’s room. Sophie was wearing her Attack on Titan cosplay though it seemed crumpled and mussed. Deshawn was wearing a Sasuke from Naruto cosplay, his dreadlocks had been artfully styled to look like the anime boy’s spikey hair, but had wilted over the course of what looked like a very long night. The both of them were wearing matching shell-shocked expressions. 

“Well…” Sophie started conversationally “That shit was weird.”

Deshawn rubbed his eyes, groaning under his breath.

“Anyways.” Sophie shrugged “If you don’t follow my snapchat-” She pointed at the camera and wiggled her eyebrows “-first of all you totally should-” Deshawn rolled his eyes as Sophie continued ”-but that also means you don’t know what happened last night at Ani-Miami.”

Deshawn rubbed both hands down his face “Sophie what the FUCK.”

Sophie gave him a look “I didn’t think he would actually COME.”

Deshawn’s frustrated scream was muffled by his hands over his face. 

Sophie sat back in her chair, her mouth pinched, her hands up awkwardly as if trying to absolve herself of what happened. “Anywho here the video of the thing.”

 

The next scene was shaky camera footage, obviously taken by sophie herself. She was wearing her Attack on Titan cosplay. Deshawn was behind her in the shot, sipping what looked like a milkshake and scrolling through his phone as he sat on the hood of Sophie’s car.

“WHATS UP BITCHES!” Sophie yelled at her camera, spinning around and making the background blurry for a moment. “WE’RE HERE IN THE DENNY’S PARKING LOT~” She tipped the phone up for a moment to show the audience the Denny’s sign. “IT’S ALMOST 3AM! YA GONNA SHOW ASSHOLE?”

“Hey!” a couple of scrawny teenagers in Boku no hero academia costumes were crossing the street in front of the Denny’s “Aren’t you two kinda old to be cosplaying?”

Sophie’s face pinched “AREN’T YOU TWO A LITTLE YOUNG TO BE BUZZ KILLS? GET OFF MY ASS YOU INFANTS.” flipping both of the teenagers off as Deshawn rolled his eyes.

 

The next clip Sophie and Deshawn were sitting next to each other on the car’s hood, both with milkshakes in had as Sophie talked on the phone. “What the hell Mrs.J?” She put a hand over her phone to hiss at the camera apparently set up in the parking “Mrs J is Deshawn’s mom and was my neighbor back when I lived with my parents” She turned back to the phone “Why are you calling? It’s almost 3am I have to fight a nerd soon?”

Deshawn leaned over to talk to the phone pressed to Sophie’s ear. “Hey mom!”

Sophie’s brow was furrowed as she listened to the speaker on the phone “What the hell someone set fire to your porch?”

“What?” Deshawn took the phone from Sophie. “What? Mom? What are you talking about?”

Deshawn listened intently for a moment as Sophie swirled the straw in her milkshake and took a sip. Deshawn made a face “What do you mean some guy in a skirt?”

“HEY!” something staggered into the Denny’s parking lot. They were a very tall troll with long swooping horns. They had a muscular physique with scars criss crossing their exposed arms and legs. They wore what looked like subjugglator facepaint in the shape of a luchador mask. He was wearing a delicately tailored Sailor Moon cosplay and holding what looked like a half-eaten bag of reese’s peanut butter cups. He was unsteady on his feet, scuffing his high heels on the pavement as he pointed at Sophie. “YOU!” He growled and chittered, his english heavily accented and stilted oddly like the original english dub of Sailor Moon. “YOU SAID THE REBOOT WAS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL!”

Deshawn’s eyes were wide as saucers “OH MY GOD SOPHIE RUN!”

“Lol.” Sophie took a sip of her milkshake. Instead of fear, there was only stark boredom and judgement over his taste in anime as she looked at the troll. “You fucking nerd, you’re ACTUALLY going to square up over Sailor Moon?”

The troll seemed to be drunk. They staggered over to the pole holding the fluorescent Denny’s sign “BY THE MOON-” He grabbed the pole in both arms, the electronic sign ripping from it’s concrete base with a horrible metallic screech, holding the pole like a giant version of Sailor Moon’s staff.

Deshawn screamed, sliding off of the hood of the car in his haste to run away, his scream rising in pitch.

Sophie in comparison looked in awe, staring up at the Denny’s sign, the straw of her milkshake still in her mouth.

She took another sip of milkshake.

“B-BY THE MOON-” The troll heaved the sign over his shoulder “BY THE MOON I PUNISH-”

They never got to finish Sailor Moon’s signature catchphrase though, because they stumbled, swaying drunkenly, their heel catching in the pavement before they fell backwards into the parking lot, the Denny’s sign smashing against the concrete and shaking the area, the two cars in the parking lot coming alive as their alarms flashed. The subjugglator appeared to be dazed under the Denny’s sign pole.

Deshawn popped up from where he was on the other side of Sophie’s car. “Holy fuck!”

“Lol.” Sophie took another swig of milkshake as she looked over the near unconscious troll. “I’m going to draw a dick on his face.”

Deshawn gave her a look, Sophie sipping a milkshake calmly while every car in the Denny’s parking lot was flashing their alarms, the concrete ripped and a clown alien wearing a skirt under the new smashed Denny’s sign. “What is WRONG with you?”   
  


In the next scene Sophie was sitting next to the alien in the Denny’s parking lot, still sipping her milkshake, another one having been procured for him as the clown alien hugged his knees while laying on the ground and wept, his makeup smearing off his face.

Deshawn was walking back and forth in front of them, on the phone with 911.

Between hiccupping sobs Sophie was able to learn that his name was Churro (Sophie stifled a snort and Deshawn had to remind her that he was a dangerous alien clown and that it didn’t matter what his name was. Luckily Churro was too drunk to notice the food-based puns Sophie used after than anyways).

Churro was on Earth to try and prove to himself that he had totally moved on from his Matesprit after said Matesprit went to Earth after their kismesis without him. After that, Churro got drunk at the convention off of the free candy (Sophie was surprised to learn that trolls got drunk off of sugar and was extremely amused) and then tracked down Sophie’s neighborhood remembering the information Sophie told her fans on her channel and tried to burn down her neighborhood. Then seeing that it was 3am he then went to try and fight Sophie in the Denny’s parking lot.

“Aww…” Sophie patted the alien on his giant scarred arm. “That Zappik douche doesn’t deserve you anyways, boo.”

“SOPHIE HOLY SHIT!” Deshawn whirled angrily to to face her “HE TRIED TO BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE!”

“IT’S TRUE!” Churro launched into a new round of weeping “I BURNED DOWN YOUR ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD!”

Deshawn huffed “No you burned down the tomato plants my mom kept on her porch you ASSHOLE.” His brows furrowed and he crossed his arms testily. “She was proud of those you douche.”

“GASP!” Sophie leaned down to cover Churro’s pointy ears “HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH FOUL LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF OUR NEW SON?”

“HE’S NOT OUR NEW SON SOPHIE HOLY SHIT!” Deshawn threw up his hands “HE TRIED TO BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE!”

“Phht.” Sophie waved him off “Whats a little arson between friends?”

“That’s not how this FUCKING works Sophie!” Deshawn rubbed his eyes “He-” Deshawn paused, turning to fix Sophie with a look. “Wait a minute were you the one who burned down the kitchenette in my apartment that one time?”

Sophie grimaced, looking to the side and taking a very loud slurping sip of her milkshake “Maybe?”

“OH MY GOD!” Deshawn put his hands on his hips and glowered at her “YOU BLAMED THAT ON THE CAT!”

Sophie put up her hands “NOODLES ARE HARD TO MAKE OK?”

“HOW MANY TIMES SO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO PUT STYROFOAM CUP NOODLES IN THE MICROWAVE YOU HORRIBLE GOBLIN!”

In the end Churro was hauled off by a half dozen extremely worried-looking human cops. Sophie waving him off from the Denny’s parking lot and Deshawn looking like he was questioning several of his life choices, like being friends with Sophie for one.

“Bye!!” Sophie waved as Churro was hauled away, his makeup smearing even more as he pressed his face to the cop car window “Do something good with your life! Something Sailor moon would be proud of, you hear?”   
  


The end of the video was grainy black and white footage of what looked like the backdoor of a suburban house. Churro was standing over what looked like a flaming pot of garden tomatoes, several sooty spots on the porch behind him marked what appeared to be a succession of failed arson attempts, the wet Florida night thwarting the drunk cosplayer.

“HA!” Churro laughed and adjusted his mini skirt “TRY AND TELL ME THAT THE REBOOT IS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL AGAIN YOU FUCKER!” he spun, his balance off due to being drunk off of candy as he struck a pose “BY THE MOON I PUNISH YOU!”

A middle-aged black woman came out of the back door with a rolled up newspaper. She had her hair wrapped, wearing a mumu and bunny slippers “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING TO MY TOMATOES!” She wapped him with the rolled-up newspaper. Churro, caught off guard by a small five-foot human-shaped package of motherly rage, hissed and staggered off of her porch before falling onto his hands and knees and scrambling into the woods on all fours like a horrible sailor moon clown demon werewolf.   
  


“Anyways.” Sophie sipped her drink in front of her webcam. “I like him. Too bad he’s not allowed on Earth anymore I would have liked to have kicked it with him during next year’s Ani-Miami.”

Deshawn shot her a dirty look. “Why are you like this?”

\--

“News today!” Sophie spun in her desk chair. “Ok so yesterday we were TOTALLY caught up with the Churro nonsense-”

The film clip of Churro being hit with a rolled-up newspaper by Deshawn’s mom played on repeat for a moment.

“-That I TOTALLY forgot to cover the news!” There was a montage of Sophie at the anime convention, meeting her fans in the area and signing autographs for them or accepting fan art from them.

“Also!” Sophie clicked through a news article, a grainy picture of a troll with barbed horns, obviously taken from far away “There’s this weird thing that apparently a troll adopted a human?” she shrugged aggressively, rolling her eyes “Don’t know why he wants to do that but alright.”

“Anyways enough of that boring shit.” Sophie clicked out of the article. “Who wants to see me play goat simulator?”

\--

Scrolling through at least five years of videos one could see how Sophie changed gradually.

Sophie grew up, continued to do lets plays and pranks, sometimes with Deshawn or against him. She got a job at a game development company. She was still the same person she always was but she learned how not to explode a microwave whenever she tried to cook, how to do small business taxes and how to change the oil in her car.

Deshawn was older too, long dreadlocks pulled into a mature-looking low ponytail. He needed reading glasses now, and the scraggly scruffy mustache that Sophie had teased him about in high school had turned into a well-managed goatee.

She decided to adopt a grub herself and detailed just about every step of the grub adoption process until the day she adopted a little rust-blooded grub herself, videos flooding her channel of her taking the little thing to the park or to the movies.

\--

Sophie sat at her computer chair, her grub in her lap was fat and sluggish, weeks or so away from pupation and purring as her mother petted her little fluffy head.

“Oh hey look at this.” Sophie clicked through a news article, concept art of a spaceship on screen “They hired a new designer to help make the ship for the troll/human expedition”

Sophie smiled, running her hand idly through her grub’s hair who purred like a motorboat on her lap. “Well shit…” Sophie breathed, her grin widening. “You know-” She remarked conversationally down at her grub, the grub fixing her with their beady eyes and purring louder. “The day the Alternians came I asked myself what kind of movie this was going to be-” Her grub wriggled onto their back like a kitty asking for tummy rubs, Sophie obliged and scratched their belly. 

Sophie hummed, looking from her daughter to the concept art “I guess now I know...”

The concept art shown was of a tear-drop shaped ship, silver lettering on the side reading-

S.S Starship Skaia.   
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi!   
> I hope you got a good chuckle out of this and that the majority of your timeline questions are cleared up. Let me know what you thought! 
> 
> Sophie's mannerisms are based on a sims 4 youtuber I found online called "Pastel Sims", specifically this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=931Lwp7VuPg&t=874s&has_verified=1


End file.
